When Your Kids Argue About Everything

Justin and I have been on a mission for the last two weeks.  Sarah has had the worst behavior at school that we have ever seen and it doesn't stop there.  Home hasn't been peachy either.  She has always been a good arguer but recently has become The Queen!  When I came across this article today on facebook it set my mind on thinking about what other solutions I have "When Your Kids Argue About Everything".

I knew it was a prayer answered today when I came across a wonderful lesson with Sarah while working on her Personal Progress for her Young Women Group that she is apart of at our church.

One of the goals that she chose to work on today talks about Obedience being an attribute of the Savior. She is supposed to work on being more obedient to her parents and read Luke 2:40-51 and John 6:38.
 
Click on those links to refresh your memory of the actual scriptures but if you remember the story in Luke, it's talking about when the Savior goes to Jerusalem with his parents at 12 years old (hmmm, how convenient that Sarah's 12 yrs. old).  Remember when Joseph and Mary realized he was still back in Jerusalem teaching in the temple and it took them some time to find him again.

 Remember Mary's words:

"Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing."

Remember Jesus' words back:

"How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my father's business?"

It actually states that Joseph and Mary "understood not the saying which he spake unto them."  My favorite part, Jesus "went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them."  Adding the foot notes on the word "subject" that this covers the topic of duty of children and self-mastery means even more to me.

Then you can flip and read John 6:38...

"For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me."

As I read these scriptures today, my mind propelled back to when I would hold my newborn babies in the hospital.  In quiet moments with all three of my babies (nobody was around...not even Justin), I would hold those little faces right up in front of me and tell them "I just want you to Love God!"  That's it.  I would tell them that one wish I had for each one of them.  One Megan wish to her children..."I will do everything in my power to teach you to Love God!"

Oh ya....our Savior came to do "His Father's will" not his own.  He loved God!  He loved his parents and therefore didn't stay to teach in the temple any longer whether they understood each other or not he followed his parents back to Nazareth because he respected and honored them.

I was touched.  I sit here feeling touched again as I think how Sarah responded to reading all of this with me.  We talked about how Jesus followed his parents even though it wasn't his idea but just because they asked him to.  We talked about Jesus coming to earth and doing very very hard things not because it was his idea or what he wanted to do but because His Father in Heaven had asked him to do it.  All the sudden I saw connection and light bulbs turn on in her little blue eyes.  She said "Oh ya, and I need to follow Jesus' example!"

So, to that wonderful face book article I read this morning and loved...one more thing I would add...the most important thing...remind them and you that it's because you Love God!!!  What I should do when she doesn't stop arguing is find a moment to teach both of us with the spirit about our Savior and he obeyed his parents (earthly and heavenly parents).

When it's calm and we are able to feel our love for God, I as a daughter can do and say and command my children the way he wants me to and in turn those little children can follow because they are following their Savior.

Life Goals Define My Daily Choices!

It's been a super rough, explosive morning.  Taking a look at my priorities is seeming mighty important to me right now.

Maybe a list of what/who I want to be right now???

Here it goes...

A Mother (happy and patient one)
A Wife (forgiving, happy, uplifting and supportive one)
Thoughtful Sister
Grateful Daughter
Obedient Daughter of God
Builder of God's Kingdom
True & Loyal Friend
Knowledgeable and Inspiring Piano Teacher
God's Tool as a Relief Society Teacher
Real Visiting Teacher
Descendent that's aware (learns from the past and helps the present)
Finds Joy in my posterity ever day!!!
Completely Sustains all my church leaders
Always a Missionary

Boy...that really works.  I feel much better now.  I know who I am again and what I want to be.  Each of these things are what God would want me to be or has already asked me to be.  Sooo....every place I go or thing I do today I'll fit into each one of these with my choices and it'll be a successful day.  Onward and Upward!!!

His Talk Not Mine

I got to speak at our church this last Sunday.  It was good for me to study all week long and to really just sit back and think about real experiences in my life that have brought unity with my family, neighbors, friends, and ward members. (our church congregation that we attend is called a ward)

I prayed and prayed (probably more than I ever have for a talk like this).  I wanted so bad to have our Heavenly Father tell me what it was I was supposed to say.  I wanted to touch those hearts that came to our Sacrament Meeting seeking for answers or an uplift.  I needed the Lord to tell me what to say because I know I am so not capable of knowing the hearts and minds of all those people.  I promised my Heavenly Father that I would study and that I would write a talk but I needed him to fill my mouth when I stood up to that microphone.

I stood there with faith that it would happen and it did.  I hardly spoke a word that I wrote down.

This is a little snippet of what came out:

I told about a word that I learned about from a book called Aspire: Discovering Your Purpose Through the Power of Words by Kevin Hall.  It's the word Genshai (GEN-shy).  It means to never make someone feel small--yourself included.

The author, Kevin, speaks of becoming quickly united with a man named Pravin because walls were let down and personal things were talked about.  Pravin was able to teach this Hindi word "Genshai" to Kevin by connecting it to a word we know out here in the West as "Charity."

If you were to see a beggar on the side of the street and you casually tossed him coin you wouldn't be practicing Genshai.  But if you knelt down on your knees, looked straight into his eyes and thought about all the heart ache, trials, hurts, suffering you've gone through in your own life while you cup your hands around his and lovingly place that coin in his hand then you would be a true practitioner of Genshai.

Reading this a few years ago has changed my life.  It really has made me have a much deeper understanding of true Christ like charity.  It reminds me of 3 things in my life that have added upon this learning for me.

First, is my dear husband, Justin.  He has always been so warm and open with everyone he ever comes in contact with.  I grew up wanting to marry such a guy and I was led right to him!  This man of mine wears his heart on his sleeve.  He makes friends everywhere he goes.  He honestly unites any room he is in.  He's a fantastic missionary because all he does is opens up his personal life and the gospel just oozes out of him!  I fell in love with him because of it and fall in love all over again when I see this happen.

Next, is my Sarah.  Simply put she has no walls.  No onion layers to uncover.  She is a s pure as they come.  It's absolutely a miracle that she is still on this earth and that is why.  She is here for others!  She knows she's Gods daughter and she knows that everyone else on this earth is Gods child too!  She makes us friends up and down our street, at the grocery store, at every school, every meeting, everywhere we go.  She is an open book that just says it like it is--no reservations.  If you're a neighbor drinking coffee she'll tell you why it's not good for your body--she's not afraid to talk to others purely.  If you're mowing the lawn on Sunday instead of being at church she'll give a quick reminder of why that's not okay.  She speaks truth, honesty and her pure heart always!

And then there is the Panic Attack that I had a few years back that knocked me off my feet and caused me to STOP.  I talk about all of this back here at this link...

I had a dream.  A very personal dream about a year ago where just like in Enos 1:10, I heard "the voice of the Lord come into my mind, saying..." I needed to write a blog about my experiences and trials in my life.  I was to share that I have Bipolar, Anxiety Disorder and Panic Attacks.  I was to share my experiences as a mother but also as a "special needs" mother.

Words of Mormon 1:7
"And I do this for a wise purpose; for this it whispereth me, according to the workings of the Spirit of the Lord which is in me.  And now, I do not know all things; but the Lord knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, he worketh in me to do according to his will."

I feel this way.  I had no idea what would come from following through with this inspiration.

I've learned that peeling back my layers of perfection I was trying to show and pulling my walls down was absolutely necessary to unite with my own family, my own husband and then to be able to pull in the most fabulous special people and relationships up and down my street and all over my ward.  I receive phone calls, texts, emails and wonderful conversations daily that are very therapeutic to me but I believe are healing to those that are contacting me.  I know it is for a "wise purpose!"

So, I asked everyone sitting there on Sunday what does this all mean to us?  It's inspiration from our Father in Heaven that we as a ward need to peel back our layers, pull down our walls and practice a little Genshai in our ward.  We will become united as we open up and share our hearts, our trials, our struggles.

I felt the need to end with my favorite scripture story of Lazarus being raised from the dead.

John 11:11
"Lazarus sleepeth; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep."

Jesus went to raise him from the dead.  Mary and Martha were weeping when Christ came.

John 11:33, 35
"...he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled.  Jesus wept."

He saw that Mary and Martha were so sad and cried with them!  He didn't tell them to just stand up and wipe it off.  He knew he was going to walk around the corner and go raise him from the dead (seeing the end from the beginning) but he knew they were still aching and hurting.  This trial was very real to them and our Savior, perfectly showed his Charity--a little Genshai if you will.

I love that Jesus has compassion, empathy, love just like this for us.  He doesn't just wipe our tears away and say "stand up.  It's okay.  I'm going to bless your husband with a job, money is on it's way, the doctors will let you know what's happening next week, you'll see them again someday--get over it."

He weeps with us.  He knows we feel hurt, or sad--that we're worried.  He knows were feeling these things and struggling through them.  As He weeps with us and we allow him to see us so vulnerable we form a bond with him.  We remember He knows us personally.  We come to know and feel His love and compassion for us.

Well...I sat down at our church after I closed and then listened to the most beautiful arrangement of "Consider the Lilies" by a special woman in our ward that I have grown to admire.  Followed by a fabulous talk by our Bishop.  I was fed and I know others were too.  There was not many dry eyes in that chapel.  I feel humbled to have been a part and to have felt of that special Spirit that was there.

Choose Light or Dark

This painting hangs in President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's office.  The painting shows a dark room with an open door.  Light shines in that door; the light doesn't light the whole room but just that space directly in front of the door.

I sat reading the talk that President Uchtdorf spoke of this painting in, just the other night, and was so touched.  Mostly because he said:

"To me, the darkness and light in this painting are a metaphor for life.  It is part of our condition as mortal beings to sometimes feel as though we are surrounded by darkness. We might....have received a troubling medical diagnosis....we might be burdened by doubts or fears; or we might feel alone or unloved."

He reminded me that even though I feel these things, God promises me hope.  Like Pres. Uchtdorf said, "He promises to illuminate the way before us and show us the way out of darkness."

If you've read my previous posts than you know this, but I know I was led and was starting to have the way for me illuminated.  That does not mean that I wasn't aware that there was darkness in my trial.  There already had been many dark days for me and would still be.  What I want to share here is that I had a CHOICE!  I had a choice to either dwell in the dark or a choice to dwell in the light.

Starting to take medication that completely altered my mood, made me feel super forgetful, extra hungry, unnatural and just plan out foggy was so hard!  I however, was choosing to have hope in the light I was being shown...my spirit was feeling that illumination and my body was just waiting to catch up.  I knew it would be anywhere form 4-6 weeks before the medication really started to help.

I had to really grasp onto that answer to my prayers that I had felt.  I couldn't forget it.  I had to remember!!!

It makes me think about when Christ asked the apostles "do ye not yet understand, neither remember the five loaves of the five thousand, and how many loaves you took up?"(Matthew 16:9)

I had been shown a miracle as I studied out my diagnosis.  I may not have watched five loaves feed five thousand but I had felt an undeniable witness that I had Bipolar and Anxiety and I was to go forward with medication and therapy to be made whole again.

Pres. Uchtdorf mentioned that "spiritual light rarely comes to those who merely sit in darkness waiting for someone to flip a switch."  He said it "takes an act of faith!"  You hear that?  It takes an "act!"  I couldn't just sit there and hope that the medication would take it's course or that my friends and husband would pull me out of this.  It took my "acting," my "choosing"; it took me moving my feet!  So "act" is what I did.

I mentioned that I found a therapist.  It was definitely a Divine Signature or a tender mercy that I met a specific therapist I don't particularly ever want to see again but she pulled a card out of her desk that said TERRAP on it.  I had never heard of that before and went home to my good old friend "google."That program was just what I needed!  Once again a path was being lit for me.

I called the number that led me to a woman named Maria.  She was also a CHOICE.  I literally had to have Justin talk to her because at that point in my sickness I could listen to an audio recording but really could not have human contact.  I knew she was good for me when she told Justin to just put me on the phone and that I didn't need to say a word.  With just my ear pressed against the receiver she told me exactly where her office was, exactly where I could park so I didn't have to go in a parking garage, she went on to describe pretty much each step I would take inside, she made sure I knew there wasn't a sign on her door to say what kind of business she was running, she made sure I knew the receptionist had no clue why I was there and described exactly how our first meeting would go.

How did she know?  How did she know I couldn't go near a parking garage, let alone get in a car?  How did she know I was struggling going to places familiar to me but it made me suffocate to even think about going somewhere new? How did she know I was really really suffering from thoughts I had about "what other people think?"

There was one answer ringing in my head as I handed that phone back to my husband.  This was the light shining in my doorway.  I was being led by my Heavenly Father.  I knew I needed to make this appointment and to just move.  It was like walking through thick goo and it was very thick and very slow moving but it just took my effort.  It took my choice to keep on moving!

I went week after week to see this Maria and she led me through page after page of this TERRAP program.  It helped me step into my own mind and first find what thoughts I had there and then change them.  It not only helped me retrain my thoughts but helped me gain my life back.  Months later I was answering the door, talking on the phone, getting on airplanes, being a happy mom, a supportive wife etc.  I started to find the Megan that I am.

I don't see Maria anymore.  I have a binder and journals to refer to as often as I want.  More important I know more than ever that God is my Heavenly Father and I am is daughter.  I know that he wants me to be happy and feel joy.  I know that He wants to bless me and He takes joy in doing so.  I know that with this knowledge that I can withstand any diagnosis, any darkness, any anxiety that comes my way.  I have come out of these last couple years stronger than I ever was before!!!  I can actually say I'm grateful for that dark room that I once sat in.  The light has never seemed so bright and so radiant to me!

A Pattern of "Highs" and "Lows"

...continued

I left that office with the red winged back chair.  I had my arms full of reading material and a new prescription but I did not have the same conviction that my doctor did.  I didn't believe that I had Bipolar...yet.

There was temple trips, lots and lots of praying and a plethora of studying going on at our house.  Through my studies I first found a wonderful psychologist (therapist) and then I began to realize the "highs" and also the "lows" in my life that were making me see that this diagnosis was real.

I mentioned in my earlier post very detailed descriptions of the "lows" I was experiencing that sent me to the doctors in the first place.  At that time I did not recognize that I had previously been experiencing many highs that made my body crash into a out right panic attack.  That panic attack sent me into that cycle of "lows."

Hmmm, I was seeing a very real pattern going on.

My "highs" looked something like this (by the way this was all at one time...not kidding):

-walking every morning at 5:00am
-baking bread constantly
-teaching preschool
-I was coming up with numerous ideas as I lay awake at night
-selling Shelf Reliance with 3+ shows a week
-caring for a Special Needs daughter that was starting to hit puberty
-taking care of a 2 year old that was starting to potty train
-throw a 9 year old boy in there that needs to be loved
-I had racing thoughts all day about everything
-supporting my husband that was back at the airlines finally after being laid off but huge pay cut, oh,   and gone 4 days at a time.
-teaching piano lessons to 12 students every week
-ward music leader
-visiting teacher (serving and caring for a couple different women)
-following a cleaning schedule every day to the T!  (my house was soooo clean)
-laundry was always done
-dishes were always done
-feeding the missionaries dinner probably weekly
-mowing the lawn
-homemade dinner was always on the table
-keeping up a personal blog
-keeping up a cooking a Shelf Reliance Preparedness Blog
-taking sales calls daily
-listening to conference calls weekly and training team members to do what I did
-reading my Sunday school lessons on time every week
-reading scriptures every day
-clothes were laid out for school every week at a time
-had creative and different school lunches for the kids everyday
-then my high continued into the summer as well...yup...did all this with the kids home!!!

Doesn't that all sound so wonderful?  It was!  I was loving it!  I was feeling "on top of the world."  I said those exact words to my doctor I'll have you know.  Then I told him how frustrated I was that all the sudden I couldn't do any of it anymore.  My chest was tight all the time.  I couldn't breathe and all of this stopped!  I didn't like it all!  My home was running like a very well oiled machine and now it's out of control.

So, when I began to put this all together and realize I really had just come out of a few months of being in a Manic or High Cycle to then a Depressive or Low Cycle that was lasting more than a month at that time I questioned my history.  I wanted to look back in my life to see if there was a pattern.

I realized in some of my reading material I was given that, my doctor had been trying to tell me that another sign of Bipolar was my "baby blues" that I had experienced after my babies were born.

Sure enough, I popped open my journals and began to remember...

Back in 2002 when my Sarah was born, it was an emotional roller coaster for sure.  We almost lost her to death multiple times and we were just trying to keep her alive on top of learning to be a first time parents.  I really truly just hung on by my finger tips.  I floated through that year on my FAITH!

Then I got pregnant with Spencer when she was 15 months old and was told He may not make it to term, and if he did, wouldn't survive more than a few hours.  He had cysts on his brain that lead to another one of those genetic disorders that we were already way too familiar with from our still very sick daughter.  Once again, I hung on by my finger tips and floated through with my FAITH!

He was born and strong as ever!  It was a miracle!  I bounced back wonderfully after his birth.  Until he hit 4 months old I was running all over the place and making amazing strides with Sarah's health and accomplishing all kinds of good.  Well, at about that 4 month period, I remember sitting there staring at Spencer wondering "what have we done?"  He would wake every 2 hours at night and scream.  I went through a depressive state that I now recognize as such from journal entries.

When Spencer was a year old, I could see that a Manic or High cycle hit me again.  I started working out at the gym every day.  We moved form one city to a neighboring one and I did it pretty much all by myself while Justin was working and studying.  I saw many of the "highs" that I mentioned above in this time.

Then we made a large move across states due to Justin being hired on at the airlines FINALLY!  It was a huge change and soooo welcome.  A couple months after our move I had a miscarriage.  Right away I think I was handling it quite well.  I bounced back to what you might call a "high" until months later when I still couldn't get pregnant and I could see a "low" or depressive state set in for a while.

The first real noticeable "low" or depressive cycle that was noticeable to others was after my Allison was born in 2009.  It was another battle through lots of pregnancy sickness followed by 3 months of complete bed rest!  Seriously!  I emotionally did really well through all of that and then just like before I bounced out of bed after that baby was born and all those "highs" from above came back.

Then just like before, when Allison hit 4 months old was that noticeable "low." That one that sent me into my Bishop for the first time.  That one that sent me into my OBGYN begging for help.  That one that made me swallow the first medication I had ever tried.  I took it until Allison was a year old and then I slowly took myself off it.

And that took me up to my "highs" in the summer of 2011.  That landed me at my Panic Attack and then to that moment that I was sitting in my bedroom searching my journals trying to remember and trying to put patterns together as I was in and out of my therapists' office with this new diagnosis of Bipolar.

I had my answer.  It came to me through study but mostly a very soft, peaceful, confirming feeling from my Heavenly Father that I could feel from my head clear down to my toes.  I had Bipolar and Anxiety Disorder.  I had a doctor and a therapist that I was clearly led to.  I had a husband that loved me "no matter what."  I had a Bishop that was leading and guiding and teaching me that I needed to fix what was broken.  I had parents and in-laws that were flying out to help me.  I had dear friends that were watching children and such.

I knew as do the psychiatrists and psychologists that my set of symptoms that were present in clusters were lasting for a certain length of time, and were "episodes" that literally had a beginning phase, a middle "worst" phase, and a recovery phase.  I knew that I needed an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer medication at the right dosage for me.  I knew I also needed help with sorting things out in my mind and tools to help me and my family.

I was learning that this was a life long journey for me.

I Beg for "NO Judgement!"

I plead with you to set aside all judgements.  I warn you that I have prayed long and hard about the things I write here.  As I sat a couple of weeks ago and watched Jeffery R. Holland give a talk called "Like a Broken Vessel" (it seemed like to just me), I knew it was time.  I must begin to write.

There are some challenges and trials that I have been blessed with.  I say "blessed" because I mean just that.  My challenges and trials have become prized possessions to me that make me who I am today at this very moment.  Each time I experience one of these trials/challenges I consider myself to be just a little more empathetic, a little more less judgmental or a little more able to have charitable or christlike love for others around me.

I was diagnosed with a soft form of bipolar and anxiety disorder almost exactly 2 years ago!  There!  I wrote it and I'm about to send it out to whoever reads it.  Until now, I have shared every second of this with my husband, a little less with my family, a little less than that with a select few friends and been closed about this to so many others.

I must say that when I do open my mouth and share I'm always surprised to find others going through similar things.  I've learned that it's very therapeutic to me when I'm sharing these challenges with others and very uplifting to me to feel like I'm actually helping someone else because of my own suffering and learning.

I feel like Elder Holland gave me permission to have "no more shame in acknowledging" this bipolar and anxiety as "realities of mortal life."  He said that there is no shame in speaking of "high blood pressure" or in speaking of "the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor."

I also feel like Elder Holland shouted from the roof tops for me--he said that those "discouraging moments" we all have  with the ups and downs that life just brings is not the mental problems that I am dealing with.  He put words in my mouth to help me describe these trials..."an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts (my) ability to function fully."  My "crater in the mind" as he describes it is "so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if (I) would just square (my) shoulders and think more positively!"

Just as I have found others that I look up to that go through these same battles, Elder Holland highlighted even more people that I look up to for their faith and leadership that have had depression or similar issues (including himself).  I felt normal.  I felt validated. I felt just as good as those people are when he spoke that conference day!

When he laid out the things we should do in this situation I had the realization that everything he suggested, I mean EVERTYTHING he said, I was led to do.  I testify that my Heavenly Father, your Heavenly Father too, led me gently down this same path he spoke of.  Let me just highlight what he said:

           He said to "never lose faith."  I always knew every second that My Heavenly Father loved me.    I never forgot for one second my testimony of all thats true!  

           He said to "faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord."  Even though I didn't always feel the peace I sought for, I promise you that I always read my scriptures, said my prayers, sang hymns and went to church.  Always!  I did just as he said...devotional practices that I had practiced my whole life...so glad it was a habit already.

           He said to "seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being."  I wont go completely into it but the day I was diagnosed, my husband had to leave on a flight for work.  I was left in my puddle of tears on the couch when I heard a knock on the door.  Now, I'll write about this more soon but one of the things I just could not do at this time was open a door to anyone.  It didn't matter who it was.  Somewhere I mustered the strength to open the door to my Bishop that day.  I kid you not, my Bishop was standing there, on my porch.  It was the middle of the day and the middle of the week.  He was led there.  He was sent by pure inspiration.  That gave me that opportunity I needed to "seek his counsel!"

           Elder Holland spoke of "cherishing priesthood blessings."  I did just that--sometimes from Justin, sometimes from home teachers, once or twice from my own father.  

           I loved when Elder Holland said flat out "slow down, rest up, replenish and refill."  I was able to do these things through the "advice" I sought from a "certified trainer" that in Elder Hollands words had "professional skills and good values."

I'll end tonight with one of my favorite lines from Elder Hollands talk..."If you had appendicitis, God would expect you to seek a priesthood blessing AND get the best medical care available."

So, this isn't all that I know I need or want to share.  It's just the beginning.  Keep visiting here as I unfold experiences and lessons learned.  I sincerely pray that as there is "no judgements" placed here that complete compassion will be felt for each other.

My Hug from Heaven

I just came home from dropping my two big kids off at school.  I had all three of my kiddos at the pediatricians for their yearly well checks and lets just say I was so highly strung that I was having an out right battle in my head!

It was supposed to be quick in and out...see how tall they were, check their weight and possibly get their flu shots...or I mean the mist that all three prefer over a needle in their arm.  Didn't quite turn out that way.

First, I was informed they don't have record of Spencer's shots before he was three...I've got to track down his old doctors in another state.  Sarah is apparently having to adjust her diet and any talk of this over her head never turns out peaceful.  Alli pead her pants all down the front of me as she was clinging to my face and pony tail during the dreaded shots.  Spencer was complaining the whole time about shots which automatically raises the anxiety for Sarah even though I give her a darn shot every single day of her life!  The one at a time shots with the others out in the hall coloring didn't even help.

So, all the tantrums, the four year bouncing off the walls, the urine smell, stickers all over the place, hand full of paper work, questions of missing lunch time at school, and the nine year old turning into a ball of anxiety deflated me!  I'll admit I may have looked like I was keeping it together but when I walked in the door to our house is when that battle in my head began!

Walk the dog? Do the dishes? Pick up my produce? Eat lunch? the full mailbox? the laundry with my pead on clothes and Alli's? play with the bored 4 yr. old? vacuum the crumbs and dog hair? maybe wipe up the eggs from breakfast? look at my phone that I accidentally left home all morning? and then it came to me...movie for Alli and scriptures in my bedroom with the door closed.  I didn't have anything else in me.

May I share a prayer I had...just a part.  Usually I pray for peace or more likely plead for peace in moments like this.  I stopped.  I prayed for direction today.  Help in Choosing the Better or Best out of the Good everyone.  That theme put a little air back in my deflated spirit today.  I then turned to a scripture just by chance:

Alma 37:35-37
"O, remember, my son [daughter], and learn....Yea, cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and withersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.

Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good...."

I went to bed last night with a grateful heart from friends helping me through stressful things at the church but a very high strung mind and heart.  I woke up pretty uptight still and came home worse.  I tell you what...I forgot to ask for my Heavenly Father's support!  I just try to do it on my own way too much.  It's not right.  He would not have it that way and He let me know just now.

I'm thankful for this hug from heaven!  So grateful!