Blowing Things Out of Proportion

Absolutely one of the best tools I came out of my therapy with was my "ABCD" cards.  I'm constantly going back to this daily.  Justin is so great at walking me through this too.

One of the tendency's I have is to blow things waaaayyy out of proportion.  Sound familiar?

Then again, maybe it doesn't sound familiar.  Maybe you're like me and had no idea that you were making such a "huge shadow" out of something that was "really so small" or not a big deal at all.

So, I was told to take any situation or any event that I was experiencing or thinking about and write it down.  Especially those events or situations that were bringing on my panic attacks/stress.

I was taught how to check these events and situations for my subjective beliefs and then against the reality in how it really was.

(I would literally carry 3x5 cards around until I had it down)

Let me show you how it works:

A- Activating Event 

(What's going on to stimulate me?)

B- Belief 

(What is my belief about the situation?)

C- Consequence 

(How do I feel?)

D- Dispute the Belief 

(What's reality? What would an outsider with facts say? take away any emotion.)

So, what would said "activating event" be to a mother named Megan?

A- I'm leaving on an over night with my husband and my 2 year old does not fall asleep FOREVER besides waking up ALL night long!

B- My friend won't get any sleep.  She will never ever volunteer to do this again. Their whole family will be interrupted.  My 2 year old is going to be so sad.

C- I'm worried and stressed. I can't even enjoy this overnight.  I'm causing my husband to not enjoy his overnight.

D-My friend could have said no.  There's no school or schedule for this family to be to tomorrow.  They like having a little kid around again.  It's way better for the 2 yr old to have happy parents that get out--without stress!

So, what would said "activating event" be to a women with Anxiety Disorder?

A- Driving to unfamiliar airport alone/brand new parking plan.

B- I'll get lost.  I'll be late. I'll look like a crazy person.

C- I'm sick to my stomach, tight muscles, tense jaw, can't breathe, can't commit to my trip.

D- I can leave early just in case.  It'll be nice to finally figure it out.  No body else cares.  I can drive in circles until I figure it out.

So, what would said "activating event" be to a Special Needs Parent?

A- Sarah's starting to yell at me hysterically.

B- I can't keep her calm.  She's going to be like this the rest of the day.  We're going to be late.  The other kids don't need to listen to this.  The neighbors are going to think we are crazy over here.

C- I'm crazy stressed. My patience is gone.  My heart is pounding and teeth clinching.  If yell maybe it will catch her attention.

D- She'll eventually stop.  She can not control it.  She does not realize what she is doing.  The other kids know she can't control it and if they don't they will understand some day.  My calm will bring her calm.  I will regain control with acting bored and completely untouched.

It's been my experience that practicing this little exercise daily has brought more control and far less anxiety about situations that occur in my everyday life.  I don't need to carry 3x5 cards with me anymore but I promise you that these ABCD's come up all the time between me and my husband.  It's been so helpful to bring those "crazy big shadows" back down into reality of the "small sweet little mice" that they probably are.

Fill Your Mind with Truth...Meditate

Counter your negative thoughts with hope and truth.  Your mind believes what you tell it.

These sentences came to my mind today as I sat and worked on my yoga for the evening after I tucked my children into bed.

While I stretch and do a few yoga moves I like to run memorized lines through my head that bring me peace, hope and strength.  My favorite is memorized parts of my Patriarchal Blessing.  They are too sacred to share here but I also repeat hymns, scriptures or primary songs.  I guess this is my form of meditation.

I fell upon these meditation rituals that work for me after much learning:

When I was stuck back in the middle of panic attacks and completely taken over by my anxiety I heard myself say:
"I can't do that"
"I give up"
"it's too much"
"I can't do it anymore"
"she does it better than I could"
"I can't believe I did that"
"I don't have the strength"
"I'm too tired"
"He hates me"
"it's not perfect"
"I messed that up"
"I'll never measure up"
"I'm never gonna make it"
"I yelled again...I'll never be able to stop that"
"I have no patience"
"I didn't accomplish one thing today--not one."
"that was a crappy thing to feed my kids"
"I know I'll forget something and then it will all be ruined"

My therapist, Maria helped me to catch those thoughts and helped me to counter them with things like:
"I can do that"
"its ok if it's not perfect"
"I only have to take a little step today"
"I am so blessed"
"God trusted me with 3 beautiful children"
"I can finish tomorrow"
"I can always come back. No big deal."
"My kids are happy and healthy"
"I'm amazing"
"I see little miracles in my life every day!"
"The most amazing man in the whole world, married me and still loves me!"
"I love myself"
"My Heavenly Father made me!"
"My mom thinks I'm wonderful"
"Justin still gets the butterflies when he sees me"
"My Dad is proud of me"
"I have so many talents"
"there may be others out there that can do this but I do it the Megan way and it's pretty great."

At first I had a really hard time saying these things to myself.  It was just sorta nerdy or maybe a bit braggy.  Like those words?  I really thought that to myself whether they're real words or not.

I started to push through the "nerdiness" of it all and really started to stand in front of the mirror like I was asked and just repeat them to myself.  It took lots of practice to do it without rolling my eyes at myself and walking away.  I don't think it was in front of the mirror itself that started to make the difference but I know for sure that that practice made those statements pop in my head later in my day when overwhelmed feelings started to creep up.

For instance, I would walk in the room where Allison had wiped poop all over the wall or Sarah had pulled off another one of her toe nails and before I started to repeat my thoughts of "I am a terrible mother" or "I give up!"  I would start to think things like "My kids are happy and healthy" and "I'm so blessed I have kids" and "I am a wonderful mom. I don't have to take care of this until I'm ready."  It's absolutely amazing the power that gave me to just counter those thoughts.  I was calm.  I was able to collect myself.  Because I could control myself, I was able to turn those particular moments into loving teaching moments with my girls as well.

May each of you readers find your own rituals of countering the negative thoughts in your head with hope and truth.  Maybe give yoga a try and whip out a little meditation?!?!

Roll It Out

My Chiropractor got me started on this foam roller.  It has helped for multiple reasons:

1. It reduces soreness and tightness from working out

2. It increases flexibility

3. It helps prevents injury

4. My Favorite, It helps to de-stress

It helps just like a massage would...the tension and toxins are all released.

I will use it before I walk, run or exercise.  I use it after exercise, while I'm cooling down and when it helps me the most is right before bed.  Justin loves it when I save his thumbs.

 This position right here takes the knots out of my shoulders and back.  I roll all the way to my neck down my entire back.

Then this angle is a little hard to see but if you angle the roller on the middle of your back you can roll right up under each shoulder blade and kill the knots up there...so great!

I will warn you now...it is not comfortable.  When you first start doing this it is down right painful and hurts.  Keep it up...you'll see great results though!

Ideas to Calm Your Stress/Anxiety

I wanted to share a few "coping mechanisms" (shall I call it) to manage stress.  I gathered each of these ideas from a doctor and have found them to work wonders!

Magnesium is the secret!  Magnesium is involved in biochemical reactions that keep our bones strong, our hearts healthy and our nervous system functioning like it should.  It's a concern of mine to focus on my nervous system being that I have mental disorders.

Each night before I go to bed I take a Calcium & Magnesium supplement.  I naturally try to eat foods high in calcium and magnesium but this extra supplement before bed calms my mind and my body.

When I've had an extra busy day or an extra busy mind (feeling anxiety or panic setting in) I pull out a drink called "Calm."  You can get it at health food stores or just order it online.  I was nervous to see that it was lemon flavored because when I was super sick with my pregnancy it was "lemon" that got me through.  I avoid lemon now because I can't handle the memories it brings back of that sickness.  I love this drink though!  It really does taste good.  It's sort of like a lemon lime soda.  It has a little fizz to it.

And the last thing I'll share today is "epsom salt baths."  Hello!  It makes so much sense.  Do we not soak sore feet or injuries in this stuff?!?!  Why not our body?  You're supposed to dissolve 2 cups of epsom salt in a full bath tub and use 3 drops of lavender oil or my favorite--rose oil.  Climb in and soak for 20 minutes.

When I use these baths I literally feel a calm come over me from head to toe.  I've used "Lorazepam" medication to stop my panic attacks in the past and these baths give me that same exact feeling.  I'm so happy to have a much more natural way to help.

Hope these little tips help.  They sure have blessed my life!