One of the tendency's I have is to blow things waaaayyy out of proportion. Sound familiar?
Then again, maybe it doesn't sound familiar. Maybe you're like me and had no idea that you were making such a "huge shadow" out of something that was "really so small" or not a big deal at all.
So, I was told to take any situation or any event that I was experiencing or thinking about and write it down. Especially those events or situations that were bringing on my panic attacks/stress.
I was taught how to check these events and situations for my subjective beliefs and then against the reality in how it really was.
(I would literally carry 3x5 cards around until I had it down)
Let me show you how it works:
A- Activating Event
(What's going on to stimulate me?)
B- Belief
(What is my belief about the situation?)
C- Consequence
(How do I feel?)
D- Dispute the Belief
(What's reality? What would an outsider with facts say? take away any emotion.)
So, what would said "activating event" be to a mother named Megan?
A- I'm leaving on an over night with my husband and my 2 year old does not fall asleep FOREVER besides waking up ALL night long!
B- My friend won't get any sleep. She will never ever volunteer to do this again. Their whole family will be interrupted. My 2 year old is going to be so sad.
C- I'm worried and stressed. I can't even enjoy this overnight. I'm causing my husband to not enjoy his overnight.
D-My friend could have said no. There's no school or schedule for this family to be to tomorrow. They like having a little kid around again. It's way better for the 2 yr old to have happy parents that get out--without stress!
So, what would said "activating event" be to a women with Anxiety Disorder?
A- Driving to unfamiliar airport alone/brand new parking plan.
B- I'll get lost. I'll be late. I'll look like a crazy person.
C- I'm sick to my stomach, tight muscles, tense jaw, can't breathe, can't commit to my trip.
D- I can leave early just in case. It'll be nice to finally figure it out. No body else cares. I can drive in circles until I figure it out.
So, what would said "activating event" be to a Special Needs Parent?
A- Sarah's starting to yell at me hysterically.
B- I can't keep her calm. She's going to be like this the rest of the day. We're going to be late. The other kids don't need to listen to this. The neighbors are going to think we are crazy over here.
C- I'm crazy stressed. My patience is gone. My heart is pounding and teeth clinching. If yell maybe it will catch her attention.
D- She'll eventually stop. She can not control it. She does not realize what she is doing. The other kids know she can't control it and if they don't they will understand some day. My calm will bring her calm. I will regain control with acting bored and completely untouched.
It's been my experience that practicing this little exercise daily has brought more control and far less anxiety about situations that occur in my everyday life. I don't need to carry 3x5 cards with me anymore but I promise you that these ABCD's come up all the time between me and my husband. It's been so helpful to bring those "crazy big shadows" back down into reality of the "small sweet little mice" that they probably are.
