When Your Kids Argue About Everything

Justin and I have been on a mission for the last two weeks.  Sarah has had the worst behavior at school that we have ever seen and it doesn't stop there.  Home hasn't been peachy either.  She has always been a good arguer but recently has become The Queen!  When I came across this article today on facebook it set my mind on thinking about what other solutions I have "When Your Kids Argue About Everything".

I knew it was a prayer answered today when I came across a wonderful lesson with Sarah while working on her Personal Progress for her Young Women Group that she is apart of at our church.

One of the goals that she chose to work on today talks about Obedience being an attribute of the Savior. She is supposed to work on being more obedient to her parents and read Luke 2:40-51 and John 6:38.
 
Click on those links to refresh your memory of the actual scriptures but if you remember the story in Luke, it's talking about when the Savior goes to Jerusalem with his parents at 12 years old (hmmm, how convenient that Sarah's 12 yrs. old).  Remember when Joseph and Mary realized he was still back in Jerusalem teaching in the temple and it took them some time to find him again.

 Remember Mary's words:

"Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing."

Remember Jesus' words back:

"How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my father's business?"

It actually states that Joseph and Mary "understood not the saying which he spake unto them."  My favorite part, Jesus "went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them."  Adding the foot notes on the word "subject" that this covers the topic of duty of children and self-mastery means even more to me.

Then you can flip and read John 6:38...

"For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me."

As I read these scriptures today, my mind propelled back to when I would hold my newborn babies in the hospital.  In quiet moments with all three of my babies (nobody was around...not even Justin), I would hold those little faces right up in front of me and tell them "I just want you to Love God!"  That's it.  I would tell them that one wish I had for each one of them.  One Megan wish to her children..."I will do everything in my power to teach you to Love God!"

Oh ya....our Savior came to do "His Father's will" not his own.  He loved God!  He loved his parents and therefore didn't stay to teach in the temple any longer whether they understood each other or not he followed his parents back to Nazareth because he respected and honored them.

I was touched.  I sit here feeling touched again as I think how Sarah responded to reading all of this with me.  We talked about how Jesus followed his parents even though it wasn't his idea but just because they asked him to.  We talked about Jesus coming to earth and doing very very hard things not because it was his idea or what he wanted to do but because His Father in Heaven had asked him to do it.  All the sudden I saw connection and light bulbs turn on in her little blue eyes.  She said "Oh ya, and I need to follow Jesus' example!"

So, to that wonderful face book article I read this morning and loved...one more thing I would add...the most important thing...remind them and you that it's because you Love God!!!  What I should do when she doesn't stop arguing is find a moment to teach both of us with the spirit about our Savior and he obeyed his parents (earthly and heavenly parents).

When it's calm and we are able to feel our love for God, I as a daughter can do and say and command my children the way he wants me to and in turn those little children can follow because they are following their Savior.

Saturday Job Jars

I used to do the cleaning by myself--you know, when the kids were at school.  I'd do a my dusting on Monday, the vacuuming on Tuesday, etc. Don't get me wrong--the kids have always had daily responsibilities and one extra job they helped me with each day.

I just began to realize how overwhelmed I was feeling with my own responsibilities. I'm a full time piano teacher on top of everything else and just never was getting my daily cleaning jobs done which left it hanging over my head.

I made "the switch" to our Saturday Job Jars where we all clean together on one day!  It's so much faster, my kids are being taught so much and our house is completely clean all on one day--so nice!

So, this is how it works:

We each have one of these jars that I set in front of us at breakfast each Saturday. As we're finishing up eating I turn the fun music on and unclip that ring!  

We go youngest to oldest and pick a job and put it in our jar. When the jobs are all passed out...we hop to it!

The finishing trick is that Mom and Dad are the "Keeper of the Ring!"  You have to have your jobs checked by Mom or Dad before that job can be taken out of your jar and placed back on "the ring" (ready for next Saturday).


Our Jobs:

Dishes, Kitchen and Kitchen floor mopped
Shake the rugs
Clean all Mirrors
Vacuum Downstairs and Stairs
Dusting
Vacuum Upstairs
Sweep Front Porch
Clean Toilets
Clean Sinks
Sweep Hard Floors
Mop Hard Floors
Clean bathtubs
Laundry
Empty Garbages 

Here's a template for these jobs if you're rethinking your cleaning process...

Saturday Jobs Document
(click link)

Older Kids vs Younger

Allison is definitely the tail-end of the family.  I realized this week that she thought the book fair at the school was the actual "library experience."  Um....it's been a few years since this mom has taken her daughter to the library.

So, we went today.  We jumped in the car right after I checked my wallet to be sure I actually still had  a library card.  As we pulled up to the library, I hear from the back seat--"the library is a hotel!"

I just laughed.  My oldest two children would have had no idea what a hotel was and the third child has no idea what a library is.  Our life has sort of done a flip flop in the last five years, hasn't it?!?!

(6 years ago) Sarah 6 years old, Spencer 4 years old

I remember my other two finally realizing what McDonalds was when we were finally out of school and starting Justin's career.  I also remember having the experience a few years ago that I could actually walk out the door and go somewhere with the kids while Justin was at work.  The life with only one car and no money is quite different.

So, now we know what McDonalds is.  We know what it's like to go to the grocery store or run back and forth to the schools in a mini van but no longer know what its like to walk to the park and the library every day.  I treasured those days!

I'm starting to feel very sentimental the last few weeks as I see this school year coming to a close.  My baby is about to enter the summer before full day Kindergarten with us.  Very soon I won't have these quiet school days with her after Spencer and Sarah hop on the bus each morning.

I won't have a little shadow helping with laundry, painting my tile with nail polish, smearing bubbles around the kitchen while we do dishes, walking bare foot to the mail box, dancing around to Disney music, watching cartoons as she sits on the dog, starting a puzzle in each room and not finishing them, copying my yoga moves in her own way, begging for all the treats at the store, climbing in my lap (and on my head for that matter) while I teach piano lessons, swinging on the backyard swing while singing to the world, or hiding in the back corner of the pantry with a mouth full of marshmallows.  I'm really really going to miss this!

Allison--about to be 5 years old

As sad as it is that Allison didn't know what the library even looked like, I think she and I have lived it up the last five years!  It may be different then the little pre-Kindergarten years I lived with Sarah and Spencer but they've been great!  I so love being a mother.  I'm treasuring every moment I have with my little Allison being home with me!

I've had many people ask where my blog posts have been....that's where.  Waiting for another day when me and my Allison won't have these kinds of moments.

Blowing Things Out of Proportion

Absolutely one of the best tools I came out of my therapy with was my "ABCD" cards.  I'm constantly going back to this daily.  Justin is so great at walking me through this too.

One of the tendency's I have is to blow things waaaayyy out of proportion.  Sound familiar?

Then again, maybe it doesn't sound familiar.  Maybe you're like me and had no idea that you were making such a "huge shadow" out of something that was "really so small" or not a big deal at all.

So, I was told to take any situation or any event that I was experiencing or thinking about and write it down.  Especially those events or situations that were bringing on my panic attacks/stress.

I was taught how to check these events and situations for my subjective beliefs and then against the reality in how it really was.

(I would literally carry 3x5 cards around until I had it down)

Let me show you how it works:

A- Activating Event 

(What's going on to stimulate me?)

B- Belief 

(What is my belief about the situation?)

C- Consequence 

(How do I feel?)

D- Dispute the Belief 

(What's reality? What would an outsider with facts say? take away any emotion.)

So, what would said "activating event" be to a mother named Megan?

A- I'm leaving on an over night with my husband and my 2 year old does not fall asleep FOREVER besides waking up ALL night long!

B- My friend won't get any sleep.  She will never ever volunteer to do this again. Their whole family will be interrupted.  My 2 year old is going to be so sad.

C- I'm worried and stressed. I can't even enjoy this overnight.  I'm causing my husband to not enjoy his overnight.

D-My friend could have said no.  There's no school or schedule for this family to be to tomorrow.  They like having a little kid around again.  It's way better for the 2 yr old to have happy parents that get out--without stress!

So, what would said "activating event" be to a women with Anxiety Disorder?

A- Driving to unfamiliar airport alone/brand new parking plan.

B- I'll get lost.  I'll be late. I'll look like a crazy person.

C- I'm sick to my stomach, tight muscles, tense jaw, can't breathe, can't commit to my trip.

D- I can leave early just in case.  It'll be nice to finally figure it out.  No body else cares.  I can drive in circles until I figure it out.

So, what would said "activating event" be to a Special Needs Parent?

A- Sarah's starting to yell at me hysterically.

B- I can't keep her calm.  She's going to be like this the rest of the day.  We're going to be late.  The other kids don't need to listen to this.  The neighbors are going to think we are crazy over here.

C- I'm crazy stressed. My patience is gone.  My heart is pounding and teeth clinching.  If yell maybe it will catch her attention.

D- She'll eventually stop.  She can not control it.  She does not realize what she is doing.  The other kids know she can't control it and if they don't they will understand some day.  My calm will bring her calm.  I will regain control with acting bored and completely untouched.

It's been my experience that practicing this little exercise daily has brought more control and far less anxiety about situations that occur in my everyday life.  I don't need to carry 3x5 cards with me anymore but I promise you that these ABCD's come up all the time between me and my husband.  It's been so helpful to bring those "crazy big shadows" back down into reality of the "small sweet little mice" that they probably are.

"Special Needs" Conversations with my Allison

We were walking around Target a couple of days ago and Allison just stopped.  She was watching a little boy with severe physical disabilities.  He was wheelchair bound and couldn't move or speak.

In the sweetest little voice she asked me "what happened to him?"

I knelt down next to her right there in the aisle and said "you know how Sarah was born with Prader-Willi syndrome and we call it special needs sometimes?  Well, he has special needs too.  His body was born that way.  That's his challenge that God gave him."

That's all the explanation she needed for the moment because she said ok and just walked away.

About an hour later, we found ourselves at the park.  She was swinging on a JennSwing and after a minute she said "this is a new swing.  I've never seen one like this before."

I went on to explain to her that "remember when you saw that boy in Target?  His mommy could bring him to this park and put him in that swing.  He wouldn't be able to swing on one of the other swings.  It's a swing made for kids with special needs."  I even told her about "when Sarah was her age that she had just finally learned how to sit up on a regular swing.  When she was two and three years old she had to sit in a special needs swing too."

She sat there and then finally said "It's sad that I have a body and a brain that works right."

I remember having these exact same conversations with Spencer.  He was about that same age.  That age of Kindergarten seems to bring these questions of noticing the differences in others.

When Sarah was in Kindergarten, that was the first year that we were asked to go into her class and talk to the children about why Sarah "talked different, walked different, asked the same questions over and over and over again, why she wanted to eat all the time."

I often think that one of the huge blessings and learning experiences we gain from Sarah is being able to accept the differences in everyone.  Our children are so open to others and their physical disabilities.

Allison was at Walmart with me today and a sweet older woman drove past us in an electric wheelchair. Allison said right out loud "she has special needs, Mom!"  The people around us smiled and asked how old she was.  One lady commented "what a special child to realize that and not be rude and stare or point."

I agree.  She is a special little girl.  I know that Allison was sent to our family for specific reasons and one of them was to be Sarah's sister.  She idolizes her big sister and wants to be just like Sarah.  Allison will be so much more empathetic and understanding of others has she lives a life alongside her sister.

Not only Sarah, Spencer and Allison are learning, but Justin and I have also commented many times on how we feel so comfortable around others with physical disabilities or handicaps.  We both felt a little nervous and unsure at one point in our lives but this whole world has been opened to all of us.

Bottom line, we are all God's children.  We were all sent with different challenges.  Some you can see better than others, some are physical, some mental, some spiritual and some just hard to see but you know they are there somewhere.  I absolutely know that because of The Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ everyone of these challenges can be overcome and perfected.  I know my Sarah will have a perfect mind and perfect body in the resurrection.  I so look forward to that day that I can stand in front of her and have a heart to heart conversation.

How blessed we are to have our special Sarah.  We wouldn't trade even the hard times for anything in the world.  I especially love that she helps us teach our other two children how to love unconditionally and to solidify that we are all important.  That they can overcome any and every challenge that they are or will face.

If you don't walk as most people do,
Some people walk away from you,
But I won't! I won't!
If you don't talk as most people do,
Some people talk and laugh at you,
But I won't! I won't!
I'll walk with you. I'll talk with you.
That's how I'll show my love for you.
Jesus walked away from none.
He gave his love to ev'ryone.
So I will! I will!
Jesus blessed all he could see,
Then turned and said, "Come, follow me."
And I will! I will!
I will! I will!
I'll walk with you. I'll talk with you.
That's how I'll show my love for you.
(Primary Song Book pg.140)

Sabbath Six at Six

As parents we were wanting our children to spend their time on Sundays really keeping it "Holy."  That means to us, placing other things aside they would normally do during the week and do things that would bring them closer to their family, closer to their Savior, build upon their testimonies of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I had heard a friend talking about a "Six at Six" she did with her family and tweaked a few things to make it work for us.  I came up with this chart that I hang up on our fridge.  

Notice all the choices of things they can do on the bottom.  Things like:  read scriptures, write in their journal, read a good book, visit a relative, serve, write a letter, etc.  

Our children are supposed to do 6 of these items during their Sunday and can mark each off with their little "stick figure person."  I just put velcro on the back of each figure.  At six o'clock if they have done them all then they can have a family dessert with us.

Maybe it'll inspire for your Sabbath Days!  Happy Sabbath Days to all!!!

Good Rewards Home Runs

This is hanging on the side of our fridge...and has been for years!  I shared it a while back but I still have so much success and so many compliments about it that I thought I would share again.

My three kids each have a magnet and if we catch them doing something wonderful like helping each other, talking soft, doing a job without being asked, etc then we tell them to go move forward a base.  Once they hit a home-run they get to pick something out of the basket.

Our basket has a lot of little dollar store items in it, coloring books, gum, cars, but most of it is coupons that say things like:

bike ride with Dad
donut with Mom
pick the family movie
use of Mom's art supplies
ipad time
computer time
pick the family game

This started because we feel strong that children will model the things they are praised for much much more than the naughty things that they get in trouble for.

It's very motivating to the child that is watch the other sibling making a home run and they want one too.  The best part though is that it's not a set time that Justin and I have to follow through with all the time.  The kids are not allowed to ask us about it.  We just have to notice!  So, super easy for us and  makes them on their toes doing lots of good things if they have something particular in that basket that they are after.

hint: have your kids pick out what they want in the basket :)

Our Family Schedule (Really for the kids :)

I realized while I was sitting at the table eating breakfast with the kids this morning that this one little project right here has brought us so much peace around here!

I get compliments on it all the time too.

Notice the activities we are not doing today are just stuck on the flip side...out of sight!

-I started by listing all the things we do during our weekdays, weekends, special occasions, etc.  

-Printed them off the computer and made sure each one had a picture that our then 3 year old could understand.

-It was the perfect thing to use my laminator for...no sticky fingers!

-I got the metal sheet from Hobby Lobby but I know I've seen them at Michaels and even Home Depot before.

-I had my husband just use his regular drill to drill holes in the top two corners.

-grabbed a ribbon from my stash and strung it through with two quick knots.

-I put magnets on the back of each strip and then done!

Usually Justin and I are very aware what each day, week, or even month will bring but we are often interrupted to find our children need to be caught up...and very quickly!  Usually it's our dear Sarah (that has Prader-Willi Syndrome) that does not transition from thing to thing or place to place very well.

This schedule was our solution.  We hang it right next to our kitchen table for us all to see though the day.  We switch around the slips each night during dinner according to what will happen the next day.  Our kids have no question what our plans are and it significantly decreases the anxiety of all but especially our Sarah!

It also allows my children to keep flowing through the day with jobs, practicing the piano and such without their mother right there to remind them.

My Hug from Heaven

I just came home from dropping my two big kids off at school.  I had all three of my kiddos at the pediatricians for their yearly well checks and lets just say I was so highly strung that I was having an out right battle in my head!

It was supposed to be quick in and out...see how tall they were, check their weight and possibly get their flu shots...or I mean the mist that all three prefer over a needle in their arm.  Didn't quite turn out that way.

First, I was informed they don't have record of Spencer's shots before he was three...I've got to track down his old doctors in another state.  Sarah is apparently having to adjust her diet and any talk of this over her head never turns out peaceful.  Alli pead her pants all down the front of me as she was clinging to my face and pony tail during the dreaded shots.  Spencer was complaining the whole time about shots which automatically raises the anxiety for Sarah even though I give her a darn shot every single day of her life!  The one at a time shots with the others out in the hall coloring didn't even help.

So, all the tantrums, the four year bouncing off the walls, the urine smell, stickers all over the place, hand full of paper work, questions of missing lunch time at school, and the nine year old turning into a ball of anxiety deflated me!  I'll admit I may have looked like I was keeping it together but when I walked in the door to our house is when that battle in my head began!

Walk the dog? Do the dishes? Pick up my produce? Eat lunch? the full mailbox? the laundry with my pead on clothes and Alli's? play with the bored 4 yr. old? vacuum the crumbs and dog hair? maybe wipe up the eggs from breakfast? look at my phone that I accidentally left home all morning? and then it came to me...movie for Alli and scriptures in my bedroom with the door closed.  I didn't have anything else in me.

May I share a prayer I had...just a part.  Usually I pray for peace or more likely plead for peace in moments like this.  I stopped.  I prayed for direction today.  Help in Choosing the Better or Best out of the Good everyone.  That theme put a little air back in my deflated spirit today.  I then turned to a scripture just by chance:

Alma 37:35-37
"O, remember, my son [daughter], and learn....Yea, cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and withersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.

Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good...."

I went to bed last night with a grateful heart from friends helping me through stressful things at the church but a very high strung mind and heart.  I woke up pretty uptight still and came home worse.  I tell you what...I forgot to ask for my Heavenly Father's support!  I just try to do it on my own way too much.  It's not right.  He would not have it that way and He let me know just now.

I'm thankful for this hug from heaven!  So grateful!

A Parenting Moment Today

Spencer had three teeth extracted today.  Let's just say I had to close my eyes a few times while I was sitting there by him.  While my eyes were closed at one point I had some thoughts:

There are many of my own parenting moments that remind me of our parent/child relationship with our Heavenly Father.  Today reminds me of all the hard times we go through on this earth.

Often we wonder why God would make us go through something.  I have learned and know that he doesn't "make" us grow through hard things but he "lets" us because that is what our mortal experience is about.  From experience, I know He blesses us and comforts us while we are going through things to help us.

So back to my dentist experience with Spence.  I had to "let" him go through this today but I was right there talking about what he needed me to talk about to keep his mind busy, hugging him when the dentist left the room after his 9th shot!  Giving Tylenol here at home when he needs it.  Releasing him from his job duty and on and on.

No doubt our Heavenly Father loves us experiencing these parent/child relationships!  Each of these moments just adds upon our learning...the very reason we are here on this earth!

Our Potty Training Hero!!!

I've been involved in many "potty training" conversations lately.  I'll just say right now that this has not been the happiest topic at my house.  We have REALLY struggled with this issue with all three of our kids (mental disabilities for Sarah, two moves for Spencer and Allison just liked painting with her poop!)

The one thing that brought help, happiness and peace to us was this lovely invention:

Just thought I'd pass it along.   

When I was finally done with those silly pull ups we had to do something. Transferring our children to underwear at night was not easy and it was amazing how stressed and crazy I got over washing a whole bed of sheets in the middle of EVERY night! I bought 2 of these bed pads with Sarah and they became my potty training hero from then on out! 

They slip right over the top of the fitted sheets and when we had "wetness" in the middle of the night or in the morning we calmly stuck one in the wash and slipped the other one in it's place...so simple!

I checked to see if "OneStepAhead.com" still had them today and it looks like they have sold their business and are not doing orders until August.  Don't know if they'll have the same items then or not.  I found these at diapers.com with free 2 day shipping though.  Happy Potty Training!!!