Life Goals Define My Daily Choices!

It's been a super rough, explosive morning.  Taking a look at my priorities is seeming mighty important to me right now.

Maybe a list of what/who I want to be right now???

Here it goes...

A Mother (happy and patient one)
A Wife (forgiving, happy, uplifting and supportive one)
Thoughtful Sister
Grateful Daughter
Obedient Daughter of God
Builder of God's Kingdom
True & Loyal Friend
Knowledgeable and Inspiring Piano Teacher
God's Tool as a Relief Society Teacher
Real Visiting Teacher
Descendent that's aware (learns from the past and helps the present)
Finds Joy in my posterity ever day!!!
Completely Sustains all my church leaders
Always a Missionary

Boy...that really works.  I feel much better now.  I know who I am again and what I want to be.  Each of these things are what God would want me to be or has already asked me to be.  Sooo....every place I go or thing I do today I'll fit into each one of these with my choices and it'll be a successful day.  Onward and Upward!!!

Swim in the Rain

A few Saturdays ago, I promised my kiddos that I'd take them swimming after all our jobs were done.  There was the regular "drag your feet attitudes" and "multiple reminders to stay on task" and so it wasn't a surprise when it took us all morning. What did surprise us was to walk out the front door and find rain!  The good old afternoon summer thunderstorm around here shouldn't surprise me anymore but I was not prepared on this specific day.  

Well, I dropped the swimming pool bag and decided we can "swim" in the rain!  I kept saying over and over..."come on, it'll be fun!"  The only one that was game was Allison--she has that personality!  That dear folks, is why I married her Dad!  She's her father's child!!!  Spontaneity is not foreign to those two people in my life for sure!

As I walked around in the rain with mascara dripping down my cheeks and yes, I was in my swimming suit in the front yard too, I thought about how I was a little sad that Spencer and Sarah got my more serious, rigid rule following self in them.  

I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I've learned over the years and still need to be reminded from time to time, that it's okay to "drop the planned swimming pool bag" so to speak and run around in the rain.  It's fun! It creates present living!

I find myself so wrapped up in my day to day schedules and planned out routines or even worse saying over and over again in my mind "some day in my next house, etc" that I forget that I can make things happen right now.  

Let me give you an example.  Ever since I was a little girl, I've dreamed of the mother I'd be and the house I would raise my family in.  One of the things I've always wanted in my house was a swing.  I've always wanted a unique, fun environment that my kids loved.  Can't even tell you how many times in the last 7 years (since we purchased our first home) that I've told myself "in our next home I'll hang a swing in our big extra family room we're going to have."  

I woke myself up about a year ago and realized, I can have a swing now.  It may not be in a big extra family room that I'd like to come in my future, but I have a perfectly good hallway where a swing fits just great.  We hung the swing!  Guess where all the kids and their friends hang out...that swing!  It's a little unique.  It's pretty fun.  It's that little dream I've had that I made happen.  I dropped my "planned out swim bag" and used "the rain" I have right now!

Thomas S. Monson said:

"Sometimes we let our thoughts of tomorrow take up too much of today. Daydreaming of the past and longing for the future may provide comfort but will not take the place of living in the present."

Dreaming and planning do bring me comfort, but as I've brought my dreaming to my life now and let go of my rigid planning a little, I've found even more comfort in my present home and in present moments as a mother and wife.

It makes me think of a quote from The Music Man:

"You pile up enough tomorrows and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays."

Summer Happenings

Spencer started his summer out with Cub Scout Day Camp.  He was lucky enough to take his Dad with him for a day out of the week :)

Allison started gymnastics for the first time and absolutely loves it!!!

We had no idea the strength and flexibility this little girl has in her!  Of course I don't have any good pictures of her actual performance but she's so fun to watch!

Our local library put on a carnival type grand opening to the Summer Reading Program.  Of course Alli adored all the animals!

We spent about 10 days in Utah with our family that we miss tremendously!  It's evident we enjoy this time because every time we get home we realize we lack photos of all the fun we actually had.  So, here's a few...Grandma Jennings spent time with us in the downtown splash stream/pad...

at the carousel and also the library.

When we drove up to deliver the kids to the Annual Kroff Grandkid Campout, Sarah jumped out the car to find these walking boots to greet her...she missed her Prader-Willi Syndrome Walkathon but Grandma and Grandpa were sure to preserve a slice of it for her!  She felt pretty special as she read notes on these boots that were left by those that donated to Prader-Willi Association in her honor.

A little skim boarding on the good ol' Virgin River!  Loved Westin and Bridger were willing to share their boards with us.  Good times!

Sand and Allison create hours of fascination!

Sarah caught a fish!

Justin turned 35 and we celebrated with breakfast and cake in Pine Valley with the Jennings...

...a hike with his brother, Steve, and his family. 

The kids made this tie for Justin on Father's Day!

Uncle Danny took us fishing!  Allison was lovin' it...didn't catch a fish but wants to go again :)

We visited Great Grandma Gurr and Great Grandma Jennings.

Justin got to go shooting with his brother, Danny, and nephew, McCoy.

These are just a few things that we did among family home evening with the Jennings when we got to swim at Aunt Heathers.  Visits with Amy, Ben and Chelsi.  Sleepovers with Bridger and Westin. We swam at Aunt Jocelyn's.  We got to watch Uncle Aaron and Matt play baseball...well Aaron coached anyway--catching up with Aunt Tami, Annie, Lacie and Jason on the bleachers.  We made breakfast with Becca and Emily.  We ran errands with Aunt Heather.  We hopped over to Aunt Camille's and Uncle Steve's.

We filled up our family tanks for a little bit anyway.  If we can't live by 'em we can visit 'em often :)

Older Kids vs Younger

Allison is definitely the tail-end of the family.  I realized this week that she thought the book fair at the school was the actual "library experience."  Um....it's been a few years since this mom has taken her daughter to the library.

So, we went today.  We jumped in the car right after I checked my wallet to be sure I actually still had  a library card.  As we pulled up to the library, I hear from the back seat--"the library is a hotel!"

I just laughed.  My oldest two children would have had no idea what a hotel was and the third child has no idea what a library is.  Our life has sort of done a flip flop in the last five years, hasn't it?!?!

(6 years ago) Sarah 6 years old, Spencer 4 years old

I remember my other two finally realizing what McDonalds was when we were finally out of school and starting Justin's career.  I also remember having the experience a few years ago that I could actually walk out the door and go somewhere with the kids while Justin was at work.  The life with only one car and no money is quite different.

So, now we know what McDonalds is.  We know what it's like to go to the grocery store or run back and forth to the schools in a mini van but no longer know what its like to walk to the park and the library every day.  I treasured those days!

I'm starting to feel very sentimental the last few weeks as I see this school year coming to a close.  My baby is about to enter the summer before full day Kindergarten with us.  Very soon I won't have these quiet school days with her after Spencer and Sarah hop on the bus each morning.

I won't have a little shadow helping with laundry, painting my tile with nail polish, smearing bubbles around the kitchen while we do dishes, walking bare foot to the mail box, dancing around to Disney music, watching cartoons as she sits on the dog, starting a puzzle in each room and not finishing them, copying my yoga moves in her own way, begging for all the treats at the store, climbing in my lap (and on my head for that matter) while I teach piano lessons, swinging on the backyard swing while singing to the world, or hiding in the back corner of the pantry with a mouth full of marshmallows.  I'm really really going to miss this!

Allison--about to be 5 years old

As sad as it is that Allison didn't know what the library even looked like, I think she and I have lived it up the last five years!  It may be different then the little pre-Kindergarten years I lived with Sarah and Spencer but they've been great!  I so love being a mother.  I'm treasuring every moment I have with my little Allison being home with me!

I've had many people ask where my blog posts have been....that's where.  Waiting for another day when me and my Allison won't have these kinds of moments.

True Empathy

One of the most beautiful blessings that has come through my battles with Bipolar and Anxiety is the glimpse into my Sarah's head.

Yesterday I got another phone call from the school saying that Sarah was having an out right tantrum at her teacher because the little snack they were having wasn't what she expected.  I kid you not, Sarah was yelling so loud that when the teacher called I could hardly hear her.  After I got Sarah on the phone and did our little ritual of deep breathing over the phone, reminded her that her mom was on the same team as the teacher, and then helped her to see that the snack really was just right for what she needed then I could hear a calm come over and feel a smile on the other side of that phone.

These little experiences are so familiar to me now.  I always knew that Sarah didn't understand and that I needed to basically treat her like a preschooler when these things would pop up but I have a new understanding now.

I have felt and know what it feels like to not be able to control your own emotions.  I know what it's like to have a disturbing moment that is propelling me over a cliff when all it truly is is a small hiccup.  I understand feeling way stronger and much more capable of taking something on than my physical body can in reality handle.  I know what it's like to have nervous and anxious feelings take over me even though someone is there telling me it's okay.  I've felt racing thoughts over and over again when I'd like to have calm.  I know too well what it's like to feel so happy I want to dance and then the next second "snap" into an angry, sad spiral.

All of these are probably familiar feelings to everyone at some degree but bipolar, anxiety, or mental disabilities are absolutely more extreme cases.  I get this as I watch my own 3 children--two very healthy children and my Sarah with the "extreme cases."  These emotions and feelings are present in all three but if graphed out on a sheet of paper much higher peaks and slopes for my Sarah by far.

I believe that one reason why I have these battles in my own life are to be able to understand this daughter of mine.  I'm able to walk her through her own struggles in such a way now that I feel empathy, love, understanding...oh, how much understanding is there when you've felt and suffered the same way.

I never have these thoughts without thinking of my Savior.  He not only has glimpses into my head but has felt and suffered every bump, every sad, every hurt, every lonely dark feeling, every racing thought, every guilt...every weak moment of mine.  I can not even explain in these typed words how calm and peaceful I feel to know that He is "walking me through my own struggles" with complete understanding.

We are not meant to learn and struggle alone.  Just as I teach the children at our church to sing...Absolutely, our Heavenly Father has given us families to help us become what he wants us to be. Absolutely, our Heavenly Father has given us His Son to help us become what he wants us to be.  He's there.  All we have to do is use His Atonement.

The Family Is of God

Our Father has a family

It's me, It's you; all others too--we are his children.

He sent each one of us to earth, through birth

To live and learn here in families.

God gave us families.

To help us become what he wants us to be.

This is how he shares his love

For the family is of God.

A mother's purpose is to 

care, prepare, to nurture and strengthen all her children.

She teaches children to obey, to pray, 

to love and serve in the family.

God gave us families,

To help us become what he wants us to be.

This is how he shares his love

For the family is of God.

A father's place is to

preside, provide, to love and teach the gospel to his children

A father leads in family prayer

to share their love for Father in Heaven

God gave us families,

To help us become what he wants us to be.

This is how he shares his love

For the family is of God.

The Best Thing We Did this Christmas...

We decided with our kids that we would make homemade gifts for each other this year.  The rule was that we could not spend a penny.  We had to make the gifts from things we already had at home.

So, the work began earlier in November.  Sarah came up with the idea to make one of Justin's old shirt into roads...she can drive the cars on his back for a little massage.

Allison began with the idea to make a "Daddy jar for all his stuff."  We dug in my crafts and found an old can and popsicle sticks that she could paint.

Spencer asked to go on a walk around the neighborhood for rocks and this is what he came back with.  Of course, he had to get them all clean for his project.

Allison had just barely started to learn to write other words besides her name and one word is "Dad." She was all prepared to label her project.

And her final project for her Dad!

Sarah checkin it out to make sure it works before she wrapped it and put it under the tree.

And now we begin to see Spencer's idea come together.

"DAD ROCKS!"

Justin opened these three presents and all we could say is how fun it was to watch these three feel excited to "give" and loved their creativity. 

I made this hopscotch for Sarah.  She loves it, but I have to say I was probably more excited to give this to her than anything else Christmas Morning.  It really came from my heart.

I put together this shadow box for Justin.  I wanted to highlight his huge goal he accomplished this year for him.

I finally made this skirt happen for Allison!  I'd wanted to do this for years.

I have to add that I don't sew more than straight lines so I was quite proud of myself and thrilled that she wants to wear it everyday.  Project accomplished for her.

 I made this football target for Spence to practice is throwing in our backyard.

 Sarah made this coloring book for Allison and made blue snowflakes for Spencer.

Justin made coupon books for each one of the kids.  I love that these will help them spend one on one time together.

 Spencer was so sweet and made me and the girls bracelets.

It was completely Allison's own idea to make Spencer and Sarah "little wooden people" so we looked through what I had and I happened to have little wooden balls and golf tees.  This is what we came up with...our favorites Darth Vader and Spider Man.

Bottom line...I absolutely love that we all focused on giving instead of getting.  It was a very special year of Christmas I don't ever want to forget!