These sentences came to my mind today as I sat and worked on my yoga for the evening after I tucked my children into bed.
While I stretch and do a few yoga moves I like to run memorized lines through my head that bring me peace, hope and strength. My favorite is memorized parts of my Patriarchal Blessing. They are too sacred to share here but I also repeat hymns, scriptures or primary songs. I guess this is my form of meditation.
I fell upon these meditation rituals that work for me after much learning:
When I was stuck back in the middle of panic attacks and completely taken over by my anxiety I heard myself say:
"I can't do that"
"I give up"
"it's too much"
"I can't do it anymore"
"she does it better than I could"
"I can't believe I did that"
"I don't have the strength"
"I'm too tired"
"He hates me"
"it's not perfect"
"I messed that up"
"I'll never measure up"
"I'm never gonna make it"
"I yelled again...I'll never be able to stop that"
"I have no patience"
"I didn't accomplish one thing today--not one."
"that was a crappy thing to feed my kids"
"I know I'll forget something and then it will all be ruined"
My therapist, Maria helped me to catch those thoughts and helped me to counter them with things like:
"I can do that"
"its ok if it's not perfect"
"I only have to take a little step today"
"I am so blessed"
"God trusted me with 3 beautiful children"
"I can finish tomorrow"
"I can always come back. No big deal."
"My kids are happy and healthy"
"I'm amazing"
"I see little miracles in my life every day!"
"The most amazing man in the whole world, married me and still loves me!"
"I love myself"
"My Heavenly Father made me!"
"My mom thinks I'm wonderful"
"Justin still gets the butterflies when he sees me"
"My Dad is proud of me"
"I have so many talents"
"there may be others out there that can do this but I do it the Megan way and it's pretty great."
At first I had a really hard time saying these things to myself. It was just sorta nerdy or maybe a bit braggy. Like those words? I really thought that to myself whether they're real words or not.
I started to push through the "nerdiness" of it all and really started to stand in front of the mirror like I was asked and just repeat them to myself. It took lots of practice to do it without rolling my eyes at myself and walking away. I don't think it was in front of the mirror itself that started to make the difference but I know for sure that that practice made those statements pop in my head later in my day when overwhelmed feelings started to creep up.
For instance, I would walk in the room where Allison had wiped poop all over the wall or Sarah had pulled off another one of her toe nails and before I started to repeat my thoughts of "I am a terrible mother" or "I give up!" I would start to think things like "My kids are happy and healthy" and "I'm so blessed I have kids" and "I am a wonderful mom. I don't have to take care of this until I'm ready." It's absolutely amazing the power that gave me to just counter those thoughts. I was calm. I was able to collect myself. Because I could control myself, I was able to turn those particular moments into loving teaching moments with my girls as well.
May each of you readers find your own rituals of countering the negative thoughts in your head with hope and truth. Maybe give yoga a try and whip out a little meditation?!?!
