I got to speak at our church this last Sunday. It was good for me to study all week long and to really just sit back and think about real experiences in my life that have brought unity with my family, neighbors, friends, and ward members. (our church congregation that we attend is called a ward)
I prayed and prayed (probably more than I ever have for a talk like this). I wanted so bad to have our Heavenly Father tell me what it was I was supposed to say. I wanted to touch those hearts that came to our Sacrament Meeting seeking for answers or an uplift. I needed the Lord to tell me what to say because I know I am so not capable of knowing the hearts and minds of all those people. I promised my Heavenly Father that I would study and that I would write a talk but I needed him to fill my mouth when I stood up to that microphone.
I stood there with faith that it would happen and it did. I hardly spoke a word that I wrote down.
This is a little snippet of what came out:
I told about a word that I learned about from a book called Aspire: Discovering Your Purpose Through the Power of Words by Kevin Hall. It's the word Genshai (GEN-shy). It means to never make someone feel small--yourself included.
The author, Kevin, speaks of becoming quickly united with a man named Pravin because walls were let down and personal things were talked about. Pravin was able to teach this Hindi word "Genshai" to Kevin by connecting it to a word we know out here in the West as "Charity."
If you were to see a beggar on the side of the street and you casually tossed him coin you wouldn't be practicing Genshai. But if you knelt down on your knees, looked straight into his eyes and thought about all the heart ache, trials, hurts, suffering you've gone through in your own life while you cup your hands around his and lovingly place that coin in his hand then you would be a true practitioner of Genshai.
Reading this a few years ago has changed my life. It really has made me have a much deeper understanding of true Christ like charity. It reminds me of 3 things in my life that have added upon this learning for me.
First, is my dear husband, Justin. He has always been so warm and open with everyone he ever comes in contact with. I grew up wanting to marry such a guy and I was led right to him! This man of mine wears his heart on his sleeve. He makes friends everywhere he goes. He honestly unites any room he is in. He's a fantastic missionary because all he does is opens up his personal life and the gospel just oozes out of him! I fell in love with him because of it and fall in love all over again when I see this happen.
Next, is my Sarah. Simply put she has no walls. No onion layers to uncover. She is a s pure as they come. It's absolutely a miracle that she is still on this earth and that is why. She is here for others! She knows she's Gods daughter and she knows that everyone else on this earth is Gods child too! She makes us friends up and down our street, at the grocery store, at every school, every meeting, everywhere we go. She is an open book that just says it like it is--no reservations. If you're a neighbor drinking coffee she'll tell you why it's not good for your body--she's not afraid to talk to others purely. If you're mowing the lawn on Sunday instead of being at church she'll give a quick reminder of why that's not okay. She speaks truth, honesty and her pure heart always!
And then there is the Panic Attack that I had a few years back that knocked me off my feet and caused me to STOP. I talk about all of this back here at this link...
I had a dream. A very personal dream about a year ago where just like in Enos 1:10, I heard "the voice of the Lord come into my mind, saying..." I needed to write a blog about my experiences and trials in my life. I was to share that I have Bipolar, Anxiety Disorder and Panic Attacks. I was to share my experiences as a mother but also as a "special needs" mother.
Words of Mormon 1:7
"And I do this for a wise purpose; for this it whispereth me, according to the workings of the Spirit of the Lord which is in me. And now, I do not know all things; but the Lord knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, he worketh in me to do according to his will."
I feel this way. I had no idea what would come from following through with this inspiration.
I've learned that peeling back my layers of perfection I was trying to show and pulling my walls down was absolutely necessary to unite with my own family, my own husband and then to be able to pull in the most fabulous special people and relationships up and down my street and all over my ward. I receive phone calls, texts, emails and wonderful conversations daily that are very therapeutic to me but I believe are healing to those that are contacting me. I know it is for a "wise purpose!"
So, I asked everyone sitting there on Sunday what does this all mean to us? It's inspiration from our Father in Heaven that we as a ward need to peel back our layers, pull down our walls and practice a little Genshai in our ward. We will become united as we open up and share our hearts, our trials, our struggles.
I felt the need to end with my favorite scripture story of Lazarus being raised from the dead.
John 11:11
"Lazarus sleepeth; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep."
Jesus went to raise him from the dead. Mary and Martha were weeping when Christ came.
John 11:33, 35
"...he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled. Jesus wept."
He saw that Mary and Martha were so sad and cried with them! He didn't tell them to just stand up and wipe it off. He knew he was going to walk around the corner and go raise him from the dead (seeing the end from the beginning) but he knew they were still aching and hurting. This trial was very real to them and our Savior, perfectly showed his Charity--a little Genshai if you will.
I love that Jesus has compassion, empathy, love just like this for us. He doesn't just wipe our tears away and say "stand up. It's okay. I'm going to bless your husband with a job, money is on it's way, the doctors will let you know what's happening next week, you'll see them again someday--get over it."
He weeps with us. He knows we feel hurt, or sad--that we're worried. He knows were feeling these things and struggling through them. As He weeps with us and we allow him to see us so vulnerable we form a bond with him. We remember He knows us personally. We come to know and feel His love and compassion for us.
Well...I sat down at our church after I closed and then listened to the most beautiful arrangement of "Consider the Lilies" by a special woman in our ward that I have grown to admire. Followed by a fabulous talk by our Bishop. I was fed and I know others were too. There was not many dry eyes in that chapel. I feel humbled to have been a part and to have felt of that special Spirit that was there.
